First you need a whole egg. To get the amazing bright orange yolk you’ll need an actual chicken and a weeks worth of leafy green kitchen scraps, but that’s probably not an option for most. Then, about a cup of delicious olive oil, the juice of a lemon (we’ve got bush lemons up here – they aren’t too sweet), salt and ground black pepper, a clove or two of garlic if you’re fond of it and, a tabsp of grainy French mustard.

Whack all that into a food processor with only a table spoon of the oil, get it going, and then pour the rest into it in a thin stream. You can tell it’s the right consistency when it starts glooping. (Sorry about the technical term – it might take a few goes to master the concept of glooping).

The secret is to use the whole egg. I guess it’s not really truly proper mayo, but bugger the purists – they’re still developing whiskers’ elbow while my version is on the table and almost gone because it is completely delicious.

My blog used to be much fatter, but a while back journalspace crashed, taking everything with it into the ether. I’ve only just recovered from the nervous breakdown and started again at blogger – didn’t have any of it saved. And it was the address printed in the back of my book. Grrrr.

Warning -do not trust cloud computing.